Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I could make wine with my vomit
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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