Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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