lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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