doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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