i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Holy sore nipples Batman
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize