he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
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Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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