We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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