I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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