You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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