Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
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If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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