Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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