I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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