FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize