Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize