I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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