I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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