Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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