My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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