Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize