Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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