i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize