Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize