Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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