And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need water and some morals
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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