Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize