I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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