The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize