i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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