So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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