You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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