Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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