Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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