i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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