My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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