The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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