I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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