Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize