Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize