This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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