i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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