Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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