i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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