Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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