I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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