so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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