You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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