Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize