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Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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