yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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