Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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